The Power of AND
Hello Qurious Readers!
I’ve emphasized this 3 letter word in other posts. It’s a powerful little word that can shift the trajectory of a conversation (and maybe avoid some arguments?). AND. I am someone who embodies information when I hear it from multiple sources, many times and in many forms. This is to say, the concept of (often) replacing the word “but” with “and” has the power to shift the course of my internal and external thoughts and actions. It allows for duality; the concept that two things can be true at the same time! What?!? This blew my mind when I truly grasped this concept a few years ago. I can feel both frustrated and anticipatory at the same time? I don’t have to choose or invalidate one emotion for another? This is a skill I practice in all aspects of my life…parenting, partnership, friendship, supervising, facilitating…the list goes on!
We are modeling every day for the adults and young people we work with, whether we like it or not. Young people are watching us and taking in every word we say to them. I don’t recall explicitly teaching my 11 year old daughter about the power of AND, but she sure has internalized it, made sense of it and is applying it. Here’s how I know…
As you all know by now, my car conversations afterschool tend to reveal lots of juicy nuggets, and this was one of those moments. She was telling me about her classes that day and that her language arts teacher asked the class their thoughts on giving peers constructive feedback when reviewing presentations, writing, etc. Some friends shared that they were scared to tell their friends something “bad” because they didn’t want to hurt their feelings. My daughter raised her hand and said, “I think as long as when we say something positive and use the word “and” instead of “but” right after it, we can add something that they can do better and it won’t take away the good stuff we said." She then emphasized…”Because when we say something nice to someone and then say, “but” it kind of erases what we just said like we didn’t really mean it.” Sometimes when we say something nice to ourselves or someone else and follow that with the word “but,” it invalidates our first thought. Mic drop. (Well for me anyway!)
I challenge you all to try in these next couple weeks to pause before you use the word “but” and replace it with “and.” Get curious and notice how it feels for you (it may feel really weird and awkward AND keep trying!) as well as how the person you are talking to (even if it is your internal dialogue) responds.
Until next time…stay EQurious!
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